Dating Humans: An Alien's Guide to Courting an American
by SailorCheesy
Summary: Tony has successfully changed himself into a human, and declares that he will be courting a certain America: Alien style. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right? Eventual AmericaXTony. Rated M because I'm paranoid, and Tony has a pottymouth.
1. Chapter 1

**How do you get someone to fall in love with you? **

This is what Tony had typed into Google, hoping he would find some good answers that would help him knock America off his feet. He had already changed himself to look like a human, and couldn't wait to show his beloved how much he would do to be with him.

He sighs, seeing that everything on the Google page is something that he's looked at before, and gets up to look in the mirror again. After all, it's not every day an alien changes themselves into a human.

When he looks into the mirror, his reflection startles him bit. (Like I said, it's not every day an alien changes themselves into a human. Let alone because they were in love! If Tony's parents knew, they'd be so disappointed.) Tony now had straight, pointy silver hair that came down to his ears and was slightly curly at the ends, eyes that were as red as pomegranate juice, and seemed to have a natural sparkle, smooth, milky, and slightly pale skin, some freckles, and long legs. He was very tall, and sort of lanky, actually.

But along with this body came other things. Like now when he saw America walking past, (there was a window he could see America out of) he would turn red. He didn't know what that meant, but oh well. Also, he would feel his mouth moving upward! When he looked in the mirror, he realized it was something America did a lot, and that made him happy, which made his mouth go upward more. Strange, but Tony would learn to get used to it eventually. Being a human sure was weird, though...

* * *

After searching Google for another few hours, he decides this website is bunch of garbage. Who would want someone to rip a bunch of innocent, beautiful flowers out of the ground for them?

And so, he pulls on a pair of dark blue boxers, (that he stole from America) a pair of black dress pants, (that he stole from America) a blue dress shirt, (that he stole—I think you get it) and a black tie. Then, he opens the door to the bedroom he'd been shut in for an entire week, and rams straight into America himself.

America lets out a little scream, and then looks at Tony. "Who the fuck are you?" He yells loudly, throwing a punch. It hits Tony in the jaw, and the young alien-turned-human stumbles backward, holding his cheek and an emotion he realizes is anger boiling up inside of him.

"Fucking bastard! I'm fucking Tony!"

_"Tony?!" _

"Yes! And—" Tony feels his throat tighten just a little bit, and he suddenly feels his entire face heating up— "And I hereby announce that I will be courting you in the way people of my home planet do!"

* * *

**Have any suggestions on how aliens go about courting someone? R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**How to court an American Alien style, step 1: Declare the courtship to anyone who might have an interest in your mate.**

* * *

The next day, when Tony walked into the Meeting Room and jumped on the table, Alfred was surprised, to say the least.

After the little 'incident' in the hallway, thinks had been pretty normal between the two, save for the occasional murmur of how good America looked today or something like that from Tony. And of course, things had been a little weird now that Tony had just randomly turned into a human...

Tony smiles lightly. Now that he was human, Alfred was treating him differently. He took Tony to the supermarket yesterday, saying that "if you're a human now, you need to do some human-like stuff, like go shopping." So, Tony had gone. Not that he was interested in shopping, responsibilities were not his thing... But then his beloved turned those bright blue eyes on him... Plus, he mentioned something about a few girls who hung around there to talk to him. It turned out to a be a mob of girls that wanted to date America. And of course, he was completely oblivious. So, Tony was left with the task of protecting his mate from those "stupid fucking bitches" in his words. In the process, he gained a few admirers himself. Not that he noticed, of course... He was too busy trying to focus on what his beloved was telling him, and not the way he looked extremely adorable when he was explaining something...

America saying "Tony, what the hell?" snaps the alien-human back to reality.

He smiles, admiring the way America's golden-blonde hair shone in the morning light.

"I, TONY, PRINCE OF THE PLANET ERASITH, DECLARE THAT I AM COURTING ALFRED."

Alfred turns bright red, climbing onto the table after the silver-haired alien/man. Tony's smile widens and he scoops the American up into his arms.

"WHAT THE— TONY, PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!" America yells, "LET ME GO! HEY! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEE! AHHHH! TONY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU?!"

Tony smiles, simply tightening his grip on the American. Apparently, he still had his alien super-strength. Even more super than America's. He steps off the table, trying to make sure everyone remembered the moment, he kicks the giant, wooden double doors off their hinges and starts walking out.

"DAMMIT, TONY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!" America yells, apparently over the "Help-I'm-Being-Kidnapped!" stage.

As soon as America and Tony have disappeared, everyone in the room looks around at each other, utterly shocked.

"Ve~ Wasn't Tony Mr. America's alien friend?" Italy muses.

England's brain registers this and he stands up.

"Oh, there is no way in HELL that I'm letting that THING court America!"

* * *

**Step One Status: Success. **


	3. Chapter 3

**How to court an American, Alien style, step 2: Fend off all possible suitors who would try to take said mate away from you.**

* * *

America had stopped struggling almost immediately. Tony takes this as a good sign and decides to make small talk with his beloved, ignoring the stares from passerby as he walked down the street, America in his arms. _Some people. _Tony thinks, his red eyes glaring at anyone who scrutinizes.

"Hey, uh, dude, I know it must be pretty weird and all, like, being human and shit, but what the hell was that? If you needed me, all you had to do was call..."

Tony looks down at America for a second, then straight ahead, so as not to run into anything.

"It is the first step in courting someone, of course." Tony says, without looking down.

"O-Oh." America says, laughing nervously, "I-I didn't think you were s-serious about that, man... But y'know I'm a nation, right? You can't court me. Nations can only date other nations."

"Why?" Tony asks, scrutinizing the American.

America's voice lowers to barely a whisper, "...Remember Amelia? Amelia Earhart?"

Tony nods emotionlessly, remembering how jealous he was of her. He had been too afraid to tell her off for chasing his America, and they ended up dating until she disappeared. It was some of the worst years of Tony's life. He dearly hoped that no other being ever felt the kind of heartbreak he did at seeing America with another... It was unbearable, to see someone you loved _so much _with someone else; someone who could never fully appreciate all the wonderful things said person did.

"She was a human... And I loved her, loved her a lot. But... She was a human, and we both knew she would get older, while I would be stuck. And now that you're human, you'll age too. You'll get old and die, and I'll be here. Nineteen forever..." America sighs, looking around.

"No. That will not happen. I am still part alien, so I will live forever also."

America blinks. "Really?" He smiles, "Well, okay..." He looks away.

Tony smiles wryly, "Sorry about the door."

America starts to laugh. Tony laughs along. They begin to make small talk, and Tony is about to set America down when someone suddenly yells.

"HEY!"

Tony whips around, and America lets out a little squeak at the sudden movement.

"Oh, great, the fucking limey is here." Tony mumbles, and America giggles slightly.

"Oh, hey, Iggy." He says, waving.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, LETTING HIM CARRY YOU HOME! AND IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEETING! AFTER BUSTING DOWN THE VERY EXPENSIVE DOORS! AND ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO LET HIM COURT YOU?"

"Geez, take a chill pill!" America says, "First: What the hell am I doing? Answer: Obviously I'm being carried home. Second: What do I think I'm doing letting him carry me home? Answer: I didn't really have much of a choice, considering he's twice as strong as me. Third: Am I going to let him? Answer: I can't not let him, right? That's like, courting laws or some shit, right?"

"I FORBID IT. I WILL NOT LET THAT—THAT _THING_ COURT YOU, ALFRED."

"Hey, Tony's my friend, dude. Don't be rude."

"I CAN BE WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT. I'M THE BLOODY UNITED KINGDOM."

"Fine, fine, do whatever you want, man. Tony's taking me out for hamburgers."

Tony blinks his red eyes, "What?"

"Well, you broke down the doors, so I'll pay for them, but I know you have at least twenty bucks for some hamburgers."

"HAMBURGERS?! THERE'S AN ALIEN COURTING YOU AND YOU WANT HIM TO TAKE YOU OUT FOR _HAMBURGERS?!_"

"Yeah, that's what I _just said._ Do you need a hearing aid, old man?" America teases, punching the Brit's shoulder lightly as Tony sets him on the ground.

"C'mon, Tony."

"I STILL FORBID IT!"

* * *

**Step Two Status: Failure. **


	4. Chapter 4

How **to court an American, Alien style, step 2: Fend off all possible suitors who would try to take said mate away from you.**

**How to court an American, Alien style, Step 3: Gain permission from said mate's father.**

* * *

And so, England, Tony, and America had gotten hamburgers, and then went back to America's place, where the young American was currently looking for even more food.

"Alfred Foster Jones, if swear on all that is holy if you take one more step towards that hamburger I will kill you in your sleep, along with that _thing_."

"SHUT UP ABOUT TONY BEOFRE I MURDER _YOU._" America yells, frowning. Noticing England's stunned expression, he adds, "Tony is my friend. I swear on my life that I will come to your house and poison all of your tea if you keep talking shit about him."

"America, you can't seriously be thinking about letting it—" England squirms under America's glare—"_him _court you?"

Tony sighs, mustering up all of his courage, and says, "Actually... Actually, it's up to you, bastard."

America blinks. "Huh?"

England smirks, "Because I'm your guardian, technically. I guess some things are the same in alien courting as human courting, huh? Of course, you two _could _get married without my permission... But most people say that if you do that, then—"

"We can't," Tony interrupts, "We can't, fucking limey, if you don't approve. It's against the rules of my people." Under his breath, he mutters, "_My stupid, horrible, sons-of-bitches, shit-eating, bastard people_..."

America groans, "Oh my god, are you serious?"

"HA!" England says triumphantly, "I forbid it! You can't court him! I refuse!"

Tony deflates, his red gaze moving to a brick wall.

"HEY!" America seethes, "Look, I don't know why you hate him so much, but I will NOT let you judge him off of his appearance. And, to be quite honest, he doesn't even have that bad of an appearance! I swear to fucking god, England, that if you judge him before you even know him, then hurt him like this, I will never ever come and help you put your damn kitchen fires out! God knows what would happen then! And I won't recognize you as my guardian! I'll get France to be my guardian, he raised me in some ways—"

"Oh, we're going there, are we? France would hardly be a suitable guardian! He can't even—"

"I don't give a shit about what he can't do, he wouldn't judge people like that! I thought you would be the one person who would accept me and my friends no matter what! What the hell, Iggy—No, _Arthur_? I thought you were better than that!"

"I AM."

"THEN DON'T BE LIKE THIS."

"I CAN BE HOWEVER I WANT, YOU BLOODY BRAT!" Arthur lunges forward, throwing a punch that sends America flying backward into a wall.

Tony, whose gaze had been glued to the floor, feels his head snap up. His long strides carry him across the room, and in a matter of seconds he's grabbing England by his tie, yanking him forward, shoving him backward, about to let go and send the horrified Brit flying straight through the ceiling—

"Tony!" America yells, jumping up from off the floor.

The alien stops, then slowly turns around to face America.

"It's okay! I'll just ask France to approve!"

"...That's not why I was upset..." Tony says, releasing England's striped tie. He turns to said Brit, "If you _ever _do something like that again, I will murder you in the most horrible, painful, and slow way I could possibly think of, bastard. Don't you dare even try to hurt America. Because I. Will. Kill. You."

"I'll give you a chance." England says, and when both America and Toy give him confused looks, he adds, "To court America. Because anyone who freaks out that bad when a world superpower like America, who is virtually indestructible, gets hurt, and you threaten me. That's... Love."

Tony's red eyes widen, and his heart starts beating frantically. His face was as red as a tomato as he steps away from England.

"I-I-I—"

"I'm not saying I totally approve of this, but..." England smiles lightly, "I will support it. For now."

"So you're not interested in dating America?" Asks Tony.

"WHAT?!" England and America yell in unison.

"NO! OF COURSE NOT! AMERICA IS LIKE MY _SON_!" England yells.

"NO, MAN. WHERE THE HELL WOULD YOU GET AN IDEA LIKE THAT?! OH, _GOD_!"

* * *

With America's sort-of father sort-of approving, Tony allowed himself to spend more time with America. And that meant that, naturally, he would accompany his love to the supermarket, and then help him cook the food that they bought together. Something he read online said that cooking with someone helped them gain an emotional bond.

"Oh my god, remember that one time when we went to get coffee, and then I spilled it all over myself?" Says a girly voice, interrupting Tony from his daydreaming about Alfred.

America laughs, then says "Yeah! And then you went back to my house and I gave you one of my shirts?"

Immediately, Tony feels rage bubbling up inside of him, and he steps in front of America.

"AHEM. He's mine. Find your own." Tony says.

America turns a deep shade of red, "T-T-Tony—!"

"You gonna make me?" Says the girl.

"Yeah. I am." Tony says, wrapping his arms around America.

"H-Hey! I'm not either one of you's! T-Tony! What the hell?! I-I can't believe this! I-I-I—"

"Then the battle for his affections is ON!" Says the girl.

Tony sighs. And just when he thought things were going well for him and America...

* * *

**Step two status: Still a failure. **

**Step three status: Success... For now. **


	5. Chapter 5

**How to court an American, Alien style, step 2: Fend off all possible suitors who would try to take said mate away from you. **

**Alien Courting Tradition number 1: Give desired mate one gift every day for seven days.**

* * *

"So, you busy this weekend, Alfie?" The girl asks.

"Er—N-Not really, Kit, but—"

"Great! Then I'll pick you up at seven!" The girl, apparently called Kit, says.

"_No_, you won't." Tony says, "Because Alfred and I have plans. For the rest of his life."

"Not anymore." Kit says, leaning up, she presses a quick kiss to Alfred's lips, "I'll see you later, babe!" and walks away.

Alfred's eyes widen, and his face turns entirely red. He brings one hand up to his mouth, staring at Kit walks away, her short brown hair bobbing as she does so.

Tony growls, possessively wrapping his arms around Alfred, who turns even redder.

"T-T-Tony, please don't t-tell me you are actually gonna battle f-for me?" Alfred says in an unusually high-pitched voice.

"Of course not," Tony says. After America sighs in relief, he adds, "You're already mine. There is no battle to be won, dumbass."

* * *

"Alfie~ I'm here~" A girly voice says from outside Alfred's house door, knocking until Tony is sure the door will break.

"C-Coming!" Alfred calls, trying to pull Tony off of his arm. "Tony, I know that you... You... Um..."

"Please cancel, Alfred." Tony says, ignoring America's stuttering.

"I... Tony... C'mon... She was going to take me out to the circus for the day..."

"I could take you out to the circus for the day, jerk!" Tony exclaims.

He hated how desperate he sounded, but he really was. Kit was beautiful, cute, and apparently knew just how to rope Alfred in, and that was not acceptable. What if his beautiful, sweet, innocent, hopelessly naïve Alfred were to be stolen away by her?

Kit had a lot of stuff Tony (thought) knew he didn't have. She was attractive... Lightly tanned skin, natural reddish-brownish wavy hair that came just a little past her ears, a curvy, slightly-plump figure, long legs and deep brown eyes. She was smart... She was in her first year of college on a full scholarship, and she liked things like space exploration, physics, journalism, history, and geography, not to mention her passion for literature. She was fun... She was always smiling and happy, and she seemed to have a sort of glow about her all the time. (Not that she was entirely innocent—Tony is positive she has a few tricks up her sleeve for this date.)

"I know, but— America is cut off by Kit yelling.

"Alfred, you coming?"

"Yeah, I am—"

"No, he's not!" Tony calls, his arm tightening around Alfred's.

"Who's that? Are you okay in there?" Kit says.

"Yeah, I'm fine!"

"Do you need me to come in?"

"No, I'll be out in a sec—"

"No, you won't!"

"Look at me!" America suddenly says to Tony.

Tony moves is head up to look at Alfred, the corners of his mouth moving upward. _Ha! He's probably going to cancel! _

Alfred closes his eyes, turning entirely red, and leans down. Tony finds himself frozen, his eyes wide as he awaits the sensation of America's sweet lips on his. Instead, America presses his lips to Tony's forehead. An electric jolt runs through Tony, and he flushes crimson. A tingling feeling runs through his body, and he lets go of America's arm to cover his blushing face with his shaking hands.

"Can I go now?" Alfred asks, still blushing.

Tony nods, too overwhelmed to do much else.

_Oh my god, that felt amazing, _the alien thinks.

A good two minutes after Alfred leaves, Tony realizes what just happened. And then, he hears voice outside the door and realizes that Kit and America are still there, just talking.

Alfred laughs, and exclaims "Dude! That sounds AWESOME!"

Kit laughs along, "Then lets go! The rides are supposed to be SO FAST! And... The Tunnel of Love should be open..."

"Sweet! I'm excited!" America says.

"Then lets go!"

Tony waits a minute, then slowly opens the door. He sees Kit and Alfred disappear around the corner. Jealousy immediately flares up as his eyes land on the arm Kit has wrapped around America's waist, pulling the two of them close. Tony restrains the growl that makes it's way to his mouth.

"Gosh, Alfie, this'll be so fun!" The alien hears Kit giggle.

Tony follows them down the stairs, making sure to be quiet.

* * *

The ferris wheel lights flashed different colors, flicking on and off and illuminating America's hair in red, blue, green, and yellow as they trailed around the outside of the giant wheel. Kit comes up behind America, wrapping her slender arms around his waist and smiling slightly.

"Wanna go on the Tunnel of Love now?" Kit asks, closing her eyes contentedly.

"Yeah, sure." America smiles, grabbing her arms and taking them away from his waist, instead adjusting one of them over his shoulder.

As Alfred does so, he couldn't help but think of the jolt he got when he touched Tony, when they were close together, and how he doesn't feel that with Kit. _But she's so sweet_, he reasons, _love takes time. _Plus, he was genuinely having a good time with her. And her arm on his shoulder _did _feel pretty good...

Tony groans, turning to England.

"Do you fucking see this?" He exclaims angrily.

"Ah, yes, they look very cute together." England replies, "Look at how happy she looks. And Alfred doesn't seem like he's too upset about it either."

"That's not helping!" Tony says, "We're going on there! I will not let my Alfred be contaminated by her impure-ness!"

"Wh-What—? Oh, bloody hell—!" England exclaims, his green eyes widening as Tony grabs his wrist and pulls him onto the Tunnel of Love, in the seats directly behind America and Kit.

The man who starts the ride stares at them for a second. England and Tony use this time to scoot to opposite ends of the small seat, folding their arms over their chests and frowning, both as red as one of Romano's tomatoes.

"Why do we have to spy? They look like they're having a good time..." England whispers as the ride starts.

"Because! I'm worried he'll fall in love with her!"

England sighs, "He won't."

"How do you know?!"

"Just wait..."

As they go deeper into the tunnel, the lights dim. Slow, soft music drifts around, and small hearts dance across the walls, getting bigger and smaller. Representing the beating of one's heart. Representing the love the two in the chair are supposed to feel.

Suddenly, Kit turns sideways in the chair and grabs America's face in her hands, a small smile forming on her lips.

Tony's breath catches in his throat, as does America's.

"You know, you're really cute when you blush..." Kit says.

Tony feels anger flare up inside of him as he sees the smile that appears on America's face.

"You know, you're really cute when you smile..." America replies.

Kit puts one hand on the back of Alfred's head, and the blonde closes his eyes, letting her push his head down. Their lips meet.

Tony's jaw drops.

America's hands find her face, and he cups her chin, pushing her head back and deepening the kiss. Alfred's blonde hair falls forward, covering his eyes. Kit's curly hair falls behind her, and she wraps her arms around his neck, but takes them away a second later.

They both pull back at the same time.

"...I'm sorry." Says Kit.

"Don't be..." America replies awkwardly.

"I really thought that we..."

"Yeah, me too."

"But there was just no connection, huh?"

"Guess not... But it was fun, right? Tonight?"

"Yeah, totally! Friends?"

"Yeah, for sure, bro!" America exclaims.

Kit laughs, and the two fist bump.

Tony lets out the breath he had been holding, then turns to England.

"Do most of his dates go this way?" He whispers.

"From what I gather, yes. Every date he's told me about, which aren't that many because he's not one to talk about his feelings, has gone that way. 'No connection.' Actually, there was one date... Amelia Earhart, he said, was perfect."

Tony sighs, "Well, she's not exactly around..."

"Then I guess you don't need me anymore?"

"I thought that you would like to come. You're like, his dad... You fucking limey."

"Well, you thought wrong. I'd rather not waste my entire day watching a man, who is practically my son, kiss a girl."

* * *

Three days later, on a Monday, Tony walks into America's apartment with something behind his back. America walks in, having heard the door close. When he sees Tony, he brightens considerably, making the aline's heart do little flip-flops in his chest.

"Hey man! You up for a few rounds of Black Ops?"

"Um, actually... I have something for you."

"Eh? For me? What is it?" America says, his expression turning to that of confusion.

_Oh my god why does he have to be so cute? _Tony thinks, his cheeks tinted pink.

"Yes. It's a gift."

"What for?"

"It's a courting tradition."

"Oh." America shuffles his feet, his cheeks heating.

"Here!" Tony says, thrusting the gift into America's chest.

"Ow!" America exclaims as he is thrown backward into the couch, "Dude, watch your strength."

"Sorry..."

America adjusts himself on the couch, then grabs the present that had fallen to the floor. He looks at the box, which is wrapped neatly in red with one white ribbon going horizontally across the box; the other ribbon, blue, going vertically.

"The lady at the counter helped." Tony explains, smiling wryly.

America sends Tony a heart-stopping grin, then pulls off each ribbon. Slowly, he opens the red packaging.

"...Do you like it?" Tony asks.

* * *

**Step Two Status: Complete. **

**Most likely.**

* * *

**A/N: Any ideas on what Tony got America?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Alien Courting Tradition number 1: Give desired mate one gift every day for seven days.**

**Alien Courting Tradition number 2: Take said mate to your birthplace.**

* * *

America stares at it for a second, then his eyes start to water. A smile breaks out on his face as he pulls the gift out of the wrapping paper. A few crystal clear tears spill down his cheeks as he turns the cover of the DVD case over, his blue eyes skimming the laminated back of the case.

"A-America?!" The alien exclaims. Tony quickly kneels before the blonde, his red eyes concerned as he wipes the tears from America's eyes. "Is everything alright? Do you not like it? Was it too soon? I'm sorry, please don't be sad!"

Wordlessly, America reaches out and grabs Tony's shoulders, pulling him into a hug and squeezing him tight. His arms wrap themselves around Tony's neck, and he clings to the alien, liking the tingling sensation that runs throughout him as he does so.

At first, Tony doesn't respond, but then he wraps his arms around America's waist. The alien turns bright pink as America scoots himself off the couch and onto his knees also, squeezing him tighter.

"I love it." America whispers in his ear, his hand tightening around the DVD entitled _Amelia Earhart: A life story. _"Thank you, Tony."

* * *

"For your present today, we're going out someplace." Tony says.

"What? Present?"

"America, we just fucking went over this. You get a present for the next six days, including today. So get your ass off the couch, it is time for us to go."

"Awwww..." America says, pausing the movie he was watching, "I was totally gonna have tea with Iggy today... Can we postpone this gift? He should be calling any minute to—" America is cut off by his phone ringing.

Tony sighs, watching as America fishes around in the pockets of his bomber jacket. After another twenty seconds of searching, America's gloved hand emerges from his pocket, a cell phone held in it. He puts it up to his ear, smiling lightly.

"Yeeeelloooo?" America says.

The silver-haired man snatches the phone away and puts it to his ear, "America is busy today."

"_What? Who the hell—Is this the alie—Is this Tony? Because America is most certainly not busy today." _England replies, his British accent muffled on the other end.

"Yes, he is. He can have your fucking tea with you tomorrow. But he's mine for now."

"Hey! I am NOT!" America yells, loud enough for England to hear.

"_Fine. But if America isn't home tomorrow... Let's just say I will be very unpleasant. Remember, he's still my son, in a way."_

"Yeah, yeah, you raised him and you want to protect him and blah blah blah... Bye, you old-ass fucking limey."

"_I AM NOT—" _

Tony hangs up.

* * *

America presses his face to the glass, his eyes wide and his mouth agape.

"Woah..." He mumbles, awestruck.

Tony can't help but smirk. His beloved was really so cute sometimes...

"Woah, Tony, dude, where are we going?!" America asks a minute later, his eyes still glued to the never ending black space they're in.

"To my home. But only for a little while. It could be dangerous, but it is courting tradition."

"DUDE! You're taking me to another PLANET?" America glances around, "OH WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO?!" He asks, about to slam his palm down on it.

"NO!" Tony yells, grabbing America's wrist, "Don't. Touch. That. Button. It will kill you. Immediately."

America glances at it again, as if debating this, then tries to press it again, yelling, "Heroes don't die!"

Tony frowns, easily holding America's hand above the button.

"America, I would be very happy if you would please take more caution when it comes to your life."

"Wouldn't you die, too?"

"No. And there would be no way for me to save you if you pressed this button. So don't. Because I would wish I was dead, too."

"Awww..." America takes a slat look at it, then lets his hand fall.

Tony releases his wrist, the grabs then American's face in his hands. He leans in, bring America's face down, and presses his lips to the American's forehead. He stays that way for about ten seconds, breathing in America's vanilla scent. He smiles lightly, about to rest his head on America's.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! _

Tony lets out a sigh and turns away, starting to tap buttons wildly.

"America. Sit down, and if you can find a seat belt, buckle up and hold on tight. We're going to land." He says in a blank oice.

"O-Okay." America says, turning around. He finds a seat against the wall in the back and sits down, then fumbles awkwardly with the seat belt unaware of Tony's eyes on him. When he's done with that, he ducks his head and brings a hand to his forehead.

Tony turns bright pink, watching as America then brings the hand down to where his heart is. He hears America whisper "Oh my god." and then he turns around to hide how red his face had gotten.

Maybe, just maybe, America was starting to feel the same.

"Hey, what if I walk out there and like, explode and die? And then my ashes blow off into space and aren't ever seen again?! How can you know for sure that I won't doe when we go out there?"

"We have already been through this. There is air."

"Water?"

"There is enough on the ship."

"Hamburgers?"

"Also on the ship."

"Is there cell service?"

Tony turns to give America an 'are-you-_serious_?' look. "No. Why, are you expecting a call?"

"It's not important." America says, shrugging.

Tony turns back to the controls, "Yes, it is. Are you expecting a call?" A feeling of dread was sinking into the pit of Tony's stomach.

"Maybe."

"Alfred."

"Maybe."

"Is it England? Are you expecting him to call and check up on you?"

"No."

"Just tell me! Are you or aren't you?! Yes or no?!"

"Yes, no, maybe so."

Tony turns around and sends the American a glare that makes the blonde shiver.

"Is it a girl?'

"Maybe."

"Is she interested in you romantically?"

"Maybe."

"Are you interested in her romantically?"

"Maybe."

Tony's heart sinks.

Then, he asks, "Is it a guy?"

"Maybe."

And Tony realizes America really wasn't going to tell him who it was he was expecting, or if he was expecting anyone at all. But Tony was positive that America was at least expecting on calling someone or receiving a call.

"Fine. Don't tell me." Tony says angrily. He slams his hand down on a button.

America is suddenly jerked forward, the force so strong his seat belt snaps. He screams and Tony whips around in time to see him grip the edge of the chair as his legs fly up into the air. An invisible force pulls at him, trying to wrench the American's hands from the chair. But America keeps them firmly planted, knowing that if he did let go he'd slam into the wall, and even he wouldn't recover from the force of something that could break a seat belt for at least a few hours.

The alien turns back around as if people gripping the chairs while practically flying was totally normal. Then, there's another jerk, and America falls forward. His head slams onto the metal edge of the chair as he does so, and he can immediately feel blood gushing from both his lip and nose.

"Damn it..." America mutters, plugging his nose.

"America?" Tony turns around. When he sees the blood, his jaw drops and he runs forward, grabbing America's shoulders. "Are you okay?! How bad does it hurt?!" Tony asks, his eyes welling up with tears. He doesn't bother to wipe them away, instead running his thumbs underneath America's eyes and wiping his tears away.

"It's okay, dude. I'll be fine." America's head is tilted up and he doesn't notice Tony's tears.

"O-Okay. I'm sorry I didn't give you any warning."

"It wouldn't-a helped, I couldn't have gotten my feet on the ground anyways. Don't worry about it."

"Okay..." Tony puts a hand on America's shoulder. "Huh. I just noticed I'm taller than you." He muses, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Uh, yeah. And you also have silver-ish hair and ruby red eyes and these really light freckles that you can only see if you look real close."

"You've been looking really closely at me?"

America turns red. "I-I'm just very observant. Heroes have to be, so they can find out all those secret clues that the cops have missed, and then they can save the day!"

Tony's smile widen the slightest bit, and he puts his hand on America's shoulder.

"This is where I was born." He says, sucking in a breath.

"Really? That's totally fuckin' rad!"

The alien leads America to the door, but then freezes.

"America... How about we just... Test it first, alright? I'll go first."

"Aw, why can't I be the tester?"

"Because you're too valuable."

Tony reaches out to grab the handle, but America grabs his wrist. "You're valuable... To me."

Tony turns pink, then retracts from America's grip.

He opens the door and sticks his head out. Breathes in.

"Come closer... Slowly. If you feel lightheaded, dizzy, or you can't breathe, tell me immediately. Okay?"

"Okay."

America steps closer, and then closer, and finally he's right beside Tony.

"Mmm... Something smells good." The blonde says.

"Ah, I see you have noticed. That's my favorite part of this planet. There is a smell in the air, and it smells like the person you are destined to be with. The smell is different for everyone. It was to make it easier for everyone to find the person they are meant for. There are other things like that, too. Like, if you are native to this place, the person you are destined to be with will have a faint glow. You would not see that, because you are not from here... There are other things, too."

"How long did it take you to find the one who smelled like what you smell?" America asks, pushing past Tony and out the door.

"A long, long time. I searched all over, trying to find the scent and the glow and the eyes..."

"The eyes?"

"The person that you were made for... You will see a brightness in their eyes, one that symbolizes their life, their happiness. Only their destined partner can see this. It will only fade when they are truly unhappy, or are dead."

"Oh."

"But I did not find them, no matter where I looked. I searched this entire planet, and I did not find that person."

"So then what happened?"

"I left."

"So you never found them?"

"I did."

America gives him a puzzled look, then breathes in again.

"What does it smell like? If you don't mind me asking." Tony says.

"Um... I don't know, I can't really describe it... I've smelt it before, I think... Yeah, I have. But I can't put my finger on who it belongs to... It sorta smells like cake, but then there's also something fruity, I think. Not a fruit I've ever had before, but it just smells like a fruit of some sort."

Tony furrows his brows. As always, his beloved was giving no signs as to who held his heart, or who would in the future.

"What does yours smell like?" America asks.

"Mine smells like vanilla, hamburgers, New York City..."

"That's a weird mix of smells. Seems kinda gross, if you ask me."

"It's actually very inviting. It smells like home."

"This place smells like New York City?"

"No. I mean my real home."

America gives another puzzled look, then glances around. "So, what did ya bring me here for again?"

"We've been over this. Twice. But it's just so that I could show you my birthplace... It's a courting tradition. Also, it's a gift. I wanted to take you out for a ride in a spaceship, as you put it, since you always used to ask me. And... I thought we could talk. Maybe about that phone call?"

"I don't wanna talk about the phone call. I already missed it, anyways..."

"Come on, America, just tell me. You can trust me!"

"Well..." America's mouth tilts uncertainly. "I'm expecting a call from Kit..."

"_What?" _Tony says, his eyes scrutinizing the blonde. "I thought it didn't work out? And she's human!"

"About that... Kit isn't exactly human..."


	7. Chapter 7

**Alien Courting Tradition number one: Give desired mate one gift every day for seven days. **

* * *

Tony flings himself onto the couch, his eyes still wide in shock. For the entire ride home, he had sat there, (occasionally pressing buttons) just thinking about all the things that could go wrong if America spent too much time with that... that _thing. _That monster in the shape of a girl.

America sits down next to him, sighing.

"Look, Tony—" His phone suddenly rings, and he fishes around in his pocket for a second before answering. "Your hero speaking!" He exclaims into the phone.

Tony looks over at him and finds the American has turned away.

"Oh, hey England..." America lets out a nervous laugh, "Yeah, sorry about that... Tea tomorrow sounds—"

His phone starts to ring again.

"Ah, sorry, I have another call coming in." America says, clicking another button. "Oh, hey. What's up?" He listens for a few more minutes, "I'm actually having tea with my dad tomorrow..." He listens for another few minutes, "Oh. Alright, well, I'll tell him. He's on hold right—" His phone beeps again, and he says, "Another call! Hold on, I'll be right back!" He presses a button, "Hey, Mattie, bro! What be goin' on with my favorite dude in the world?" More listening, "I actually have a date tomorrow with England."

Tony jumps. He whips away from the TV and grabs America's shoulders, his eyes wide.

"NO DUDE, NO! NOT like that! Why in HELL does everyone seem to think we're getting together?! I meant he'll be there, not that he was asking me or something! I'm going with KIT! But she said it'd be a good opportunity to meet the folks, so that's why he'll be there." Some more listening. "Um... I guess you can come. Wait, who?" More listening, "Duuuude! YOU dating HIM? I CALLED IT! Anyway, yeah, I'll tell them both. England should bring a date, I guess, too.. Right? Or is that weird." More listening, "Okay, I'll just turn this into a house party, then. Invite as many people as you can. Spread it around. I'll do the same. It starts tomorrow at whenever. Bye, bro!"

America presses a button. "Hey, Kit? Sorry, that was Matt. It's officially a party. Invite everyone you can think of for tomorrow, you can just show up whenever. See you there, dude!" He presses another button, "Hey, Iggy. Heh... Kit and Mattie both just called me and I guess they all want a piece of my hero-ness, so it's officially a party." Long pause. "Yeah, I swear we can just sit down and have some tea and shit one day. Invite everyone you can think of to this party, alright? Nations, people, your fairies..." America cracks up. "Anyway, I'll see you here. Remember, tomorrow. You and all of your guests can just come in whenever you feel like it. Byeeee!"

America hangs up the phone, then turns to Tony.

"What time is it?!" He yells, "PARTY TIME!"

"America, you don't have enough space! This is just an apartment building!"

"Dude. Don't. Underestimate. My. Party skills."

* * *

And so, for the next three hours, America leads Tony all over house pulling open doors in the floor that lead to slides and ladders, which either slide throughout the entire apartment complex going downward or edge along the wall and upward to the next floor.

"I forgot I never you that I owned this entire building... I had it tricked out to be like a giant party building, dude. Speakers in every room, CD's with all kinds of music, movies, TV's, bars, ladders leading upward and stairs, slides going down, strobe lights, endless food and drinks... Oh! I have to call the staff!" America trails off, walking around.

"We need to talk about Kit." Tony says, folding his arms across his chest.

"No we don't." America says, his tone suddenly serious.

"Yes we do."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"America."

"_Tony."_

"AMERICA."

"I'm havin' a party, I don't have time for this!" And the next thing Tony knows, America jumps onto one of the slides and ends up on the next floor, his laughter carrying all the way up to Tony's ears.

Tony smiles lightly, then mentally slaps himself.

"Stupid America and his stupid fucking cuteness, ending the fucking conversation before it even started... That damn laugh..." Tony mutters, walking down of the hallways. He opens the door, and seeing a TV, a refrigerator, bathroom and bed, he closes the door and locks it, then lays on the bed face-down.

How could America possibly be okay with this? How could he deal with it? How did he manage not to think about what she was on the outside, but who she was on the inside? She was so different from him; she was a different being entirely. It was strange, even impossible-seeming. They were from two very different worlds, so how could they possibly make it work if they were to get together and date and maybe one day want to have kids?

The thing that he hated the most was that he knew it was no different for him and America. Even if he looked, acted, and talked like a human would, he would never be completely human. He still had an alien's strength, he could still see America's glow and the light in his eyes—all things a regular human, or even a nation wouldn't see. And Tony didn't need to drink water, he didn't need to breathe air, and he didn't need to sleep, either.

Yet there were all things America needed. And Kit probably needed them, even being what she was.

And, another bad thing for Tony—maybe America and Kit's kids wouldn't be perfect or normal, but at least they would be capable of having them. Tony and America could never do that.

Tony and America couldn't do a lot of things together.

Kit knew a lot more about Earth, she knew a lot more about a lot of things. She could show America all over her world, let him experience things Tony could never accomplish. Plus, she was smart, she was cute, she was funny.

Tony knew that he couldn't seem to stop acting either bossy and blank or lovestruck and mushy.

And that when he made a decision: He would need to show his love that he wasn't as boring as he seemed on the outside.

First step: grab some new clothes.

* * *

**I somehow evaded telling you what Kit was. OuO Maybe next chapter~**


	8. Chapter 8

Tony climbs up three ladders to get to the apartment of which America and him live. He walks down the hall and into his bedroom.

A bed hangs from the ceiling, even though Tony doesn't use it for sleeping. He didn't sleep, after all. No need for a bed. But having a bed hanging from the ceiling was fucking awesome, in America's words. In another corner of the room is a small end table, which is littered with random papers that he had printed from the oh-so-reliable internet on dating advice.

_Fuck the internet, _Tony thinks, sweeping his hand across the end table and sliding all the papers into the garbage.

He owned few photos, but there was one on his end table that he treasured so much he had went out and got a frame. It was a picture America had taken at the supermarket on a whim while they were both by the fruit section. The blonde had whipped out his camera and thrown his arm over Tony's shoulder, pulling the two so close their cheeks were almost touching. He then told Tony to smile and brought on his brightest grin. The photo was taken, and when they were in the checkout line, America had seen on of those in-store printers. Being the lucky person he was, he found his USB cord and printed the photo, then gave a copy to Tony. Blushing, he put the other one in his pocket.

"It's the first picture of us together!" America had said, smiling.

Now Tony stared at it, the smile disappearing the longer he looked. His gaze was focused on the arm around his shoulder and the blush on America's cheeks. Maybe, just maybe, America was harboring feelings for him... But then he remembers that even if America did have feelings for him, there would still be people trying to steal the blonde away.

_That could be Kit soon if I don't keep him away._

The alien shakes his head, moving away from the table and to the giant counter against one wall. Countless screens and keyboards and controls and consoles and computers and any other electronics that ever existed were either mounted on the wall or spread across the counter, all of them on and open to Google.

Quickly, he tapped a code into the green keyboard, which wasn't connected to any monitor._  
_

A small compartment suddenly opens in the wall, and Tony reaches in, grabbing a few hundred dollar bills from the hole and then shutting it. Okay, maybe not just a few.

Immediately, the small door disappears, blending in perfectly with the wall again. To be quite honest, even Tony wouldn't be able to locate it without the code.

He quickly shoves it into his pocket and grabs the keys to his car, deciding to spend the night out and go shopping in the morning.

* * *

"You look great in that, sir!" Says a light, high-pitched voice.

Last night, Tony had left the house, leaving his phone behind, and decided to rent himself a room at a fancy hotel and stay there for the night. To clear his head, of course. And maybe to order some awesome food from room service.

"Hmmm... I wonder if he'll like it..." Tony says, scrutinizing himself in the mirror.

The woman standing behind him twirls a piece of her curly blonde hair around her finger, smiling. "I think he will." She says in a quiet voice.

He was wearing a deep blue blazer jacket, the cuffs rolled up to his elbows, over a black plaid dress shirt and red tie. For pants, he was wearing grey denim jeans, and on his feet were a pair of black shoes. The silver watch along his wrist glinted in the mirror, and he grabs a hat from nearby, putting it on his head. After a moment of staring, he takes it off, shaking his head.

"Alright. I'll buy all of this." Tony finally says.

"Wonderful! Er... I can just pull the tags off of those and scan them if you want to wear them right away." She says.

"Oh... Um... Okay?" Tony says, trying to act like he knows what she was talking about.

He'd never bought clothes before, okay? Don't you judge him!

She moves forward, grabbing his arms and lifting them up.

Tony turns bright red and pulls them away, "Wh-What are you—"

"Are you ticklish there?" She giggles, dropping his arm.

For a few seconds, Tony feels nothing, and then chills run up and down his spine as she grabs the back collar of his shirt and pulls it outward a bit. She then reaches down, her hand clasping around paper, which she grabs, careful not to rip it.

Then, she slinks her hands around his neck, sticking a small piece of paper into his pocket. "If things don't work out with you and 'him.'" She whispers.

"H-Hey! Only Alfred is allowed to touch me like that!" Tony says angrily, whipping away from her.

Wordlessly, she bends down, grabbing at his pant leg, where there is a sticker. She rips it off, then straightens herself out and smiles.

"Alrighty! Just take your jacket off so I can grab the tag for the shirt, then give me the box for your shoes and watch, and you're good!"

"I'll take it off myself." The alien grumbles, pulling off his jacket and then ripping the tag from his shirt. He shoves them all into her hands, along with the watch and the shoebox.

"If you'll just follow me!" She says cheerfully, whipping around and leading him towards a counter, her light blonde curls bouncing.

Tony reaches into his pocket and pulls out $200, then hands it to the girl.

"Oh my, cash!" She exclaims, smiling, "People rarely pay in cash here! It's very expensive!"

"Yes, well, I'm not just anyone." Tony says, his eyes landing on a bottle of cologne.

_The cologne to steal her heart._

Tony grabs the bottle and hands it to her. "And this too."

Hey, America was no 'her', but it probably worked the same for everybody, right? Otherwise why would people sell it? It was the last bottle on the shelf... Though Tony really did want to know who 'her' was, and why she liked this fragrance so much that she would let someone rip her her heart right out of her chest. Then she would be dead, right? Tony thinks so. He was pretty sure that humans died if they didn't have their hearts... Hell, aliens die without their hearts. He makes a mental note to ask America when he gets back home.

"Alright!" She quickly rings up all of the tags and the bottle, then hands him a bag and some change. "Thank you for shopping!" She says, waving as he walks out.

Tony nods, then walks down the street. For a few minutes, he gets lost in his thoughts, worry clouding his brain.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to leave his phone behind. Maybe America thought Tony was upset and had ran away. Maybe America had called Kit up and she had come over to comfort him, and now he was in love with her. Or even worse, maybe he was glad Tony was gone.

Suddenly, someone grabs his shoulder.

"Oh, honey, you really could use a trim! And you need your eyebrows waxed for sure... You can't see your lover looking like this!"

"I can't?" Tony asks incredulously. Did people around here really just grab others off the street and tell them how they can and can't look? And when he was on his way to win back his one and only love, no less! He didn't have time to waste getting a trim! Whatever that was...

"No, no, no! Get in there right now!" The girl who grabbed him beams, flipping her long, shiny red hair over her shoulder. Her bright green eyes sparkle with delight at the new customer, and she giggles at is confused face. Then, she grabs his tie, marching him into the salon, one hand on her slightly wide hip.

She shoves him into the chair, and as Tony looks around, he sees many other men awkwardly sitting in the salon chairs, getting unplanned hair cuts and eyebrow pluckings and such. One man looks at him and nods as if to say "_they're good"_, smiling as he runs a hand through his hair and walking out.

_He did look pretty attractive... _Tony thinks, his expression turning to the 'not bad' face._  
_

"Alright, well, I'll put the wax on now, and then we'll rip it off while your hair is being washed, alright? As for you hair... I'm thinking something more spiky. No offense, but honey, this just is NOT working for you! It's all flat against your head, and the curls are a definite no-no. Not flattering on you at _all_. Something that sticks up will look more attractive, I think. Yes, for sure. And that special someone will certainly like it, too. But the _color! _Oh, just gorgeous! Who dyed it?"

"Nobody dyes my hair..."

The girl gives him a closer look, "Oh! Pale skin, red eyes, silver hair... I see." Suddenly, she grabs a camera and takes a picture of Tony's confused face, leaving the alien to wonder exactly what it was she saw in his face.

Maybe she was seeing his soul? He read somewhere that eyes were windows to the soul. But what exactly was a 'soul'? Did America have one? Was it good or bad? Did Tony have one? If America had one, he definitely wanted one, so that he and America would be equals. He makes another mental note to ask America what a soul was.

Then, she throws a sheet-like thing over Tony and fastens it at the back of his neck. Quickly, she grabs two small pieces of paper and shoves them onto Tony's face. He cringes as the hot liquid squishes and burns his face. She puts a few more of these on in various places around his eyebrows, exclaiming "Better to do it quickly and painfully then slowly and even more painful! Right hon? Yeah, I'm right." Suddenly, she puts her hands on his shoulders and forces him backwards. The next second, his face is bombarded with water, and he can feel the girl running her hands through his hair, rubbing things into it, then washing them out again.

After about ten minutes of this, she pulls him upward again.

Tony lets out a gasp as she suddenly starts ripping the paper off of his skin. After she's done, he rubs his eyebrows, frowning.

"Here we go!" She says, grabbing the scissors and smiling.

* * *

After a good ten minutes of awkward silence and eyebrows waxing and plucking, the girl says, "I'm Alaina."

"Tony." The alien mutters.

"So, who's the lucky girl?"

"Eh?" Tony quirks an eyebrow, turning his head when she shoves it back in place.

"Who are you trying to impress? New outfit, cologne, haircut, eyebrows waxed..."

"Oh. Um..."

"Aw, don't worry, you can tell me!"

"Well... Just this person I'm courting..."

"Courting? Just a person? Honey, someone your going old-school with is NOT just anyone!"

"Um..." '_Old school?' _Tony thinks.

"C'mon, spill!"

"Alfred Jones." Tony admits, turning pink and smiling at the mention of his love.

Alaina shoes his head down and starts working on the back of his head more. "THE Alfred Jones?" She asks.

"The?"

"Oh, yes! He's famous for always being surrounded by girls!" Alaina nods profusely, snipping off bits of Tony's hair, "He really is an attractive guy... If I had the chance to date him, I really would! He's so sweet, too! Always giving things and saying he's a hero... A ladies man, that one. Even a man's man in some cases."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you have nothing to worry about! He's bisexual, so you have a chance! More on the gay side, I think."

"Gay?"

"Um, you should know, you are too!"

"I am?"

"Yes! You love a man!"

"What does that have to do with anything?! I love him because of who he is, not what he is!"

"A man who loves a man is gay!"

"Oh."

"Don't worry, lots of people are._ I_ have a girlfriend."

"So?"

"And I'm a girl!"

"Oh." Says Tony, still not fully understanding the concept of being "gay." Wasn't love just love, whether it was a woman or a man that you loved? Why did humans have to put all these fancy terms on it and make it so strange?

"So... You guys are dating?"

"No."

"That's strange."

"Is it?"

"Oh, well, I'm done!" Alaina says, whipping Tony around to face the mirror. She quickly takes a picture of Tony's face again.

* * *

**Heh. Still no mention of what Kit was. **

**But on the bright side, Tony's more confused than ever! **

**Oh, wait, that's not really a bright side... **


	9. Chapter 9

Tony put his hand on the sleek, golden doorknob and takes a deep breath. After leaving the salon, he had gone out and eaten, thinking it would calm him down a little bit. Really, all it served was to give at least five girls the chance to flirt with him.

The alien could hear the music pulsing from a block away, alerting him that the party had probably started hours ago, and his heart now seemed to pound in time with the fast beat. Underneath the door he could see the lights flashing, and occasionally there would be a thump, alerting him that people were bumping into the door.

What if America didn't like it? What if America thought he looked horrible?

Oh, god, maybe he should just leave.

But he _did _look pretty attractive and he knew it. Four girls in the restaurant, three girls on the street, one girl in the store... But those were all girls. America wasn't a girl. He was a male for sure. Still... Maybe it worked the same for male and female? How different could they really be?

With that thought, Tony opens the door and walks in, pushing sunglasses he had bought up the bridge of his nose a little higher. He glances around, his red eyes scanning the room for his beloved Alfred. After a minute of it, he takes off the sunglasses, tucking them into one of his pockets, realizing it was far too dark to see anything with the sunglasses on.

After taking his sunglasses off and looking around, he realizes several girls are staring at him.

_Be cool, _he thinks to himself. Then, he moves forward, pushing past a bunch of people. _Where is he? _

Suddenly, someone grabs his arm. "Hey, you wanna dance?" A girl asks, grabbing his other arm and putting her hands around his neck.

"Hey!" Tony says angrily, "D-Don't touch me!"

"Fine," she says, grinning, "You touch me then." She grabs his hands, placing them a little too low to be on just her back.

Tony turns a bright red, pulling them away immediately and then pulling her arms off of him.

"Hey, where're ya goin', sweetcheeks?" She calls as he speeds off and disappears into the crowd.

Tony looks around, then sees a ladder. After sweeping his arms around the room again just to make sure his love wasn't there, he grabs the rungs and pulls himself upward, ignoring the light tug on his pant leg and the call of "Hey sweetcheeks! Come back 'ere!"

* * *

Tony was now on the tenth floor, and there were only two floors left. Where could his beloved be? Maybe America was just running around all over the place? Maybe he had missed him somewhere back, or mybe he was avoiding Tony.

The alien hoped that wasn't the case.

Suddenly, someone taps his shoulder.

He sighs, turning around. "Look, I don't want to dance—"

"Th-That's not what I want..." The girl says, wiping tears from her deep brown eyes.

Tony's annoyed expression turns to one of concern.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

Then, he gives her a quick look up and down. Her hair is tied up in a bun with a few stray strands coming down and framing her face, and she seems to have no makeup on. Her face is round and cute, and she's obviously fragile and dainty. As Tony looks, she pushes her black-rimmed glasses farther up the bridge of her nose. She's wearing a black pencil skirt that comes to her waist over a deep purple button-up blouse with thin black stripes. On her feet are black heels. Around her neck is a silver chain with a half of a heart, and on her finger is a ring with another half of a heart. She looks like a very attractive, cute, and fragile business woman.

She shakes her head no, and her brown curls flip in front of her face.

Tony reaches out and grabs her hand. "What happened?"

"M-My friend is in trouble! A-And I need help!" She drops her head and her chocolate brown, short curls fall in front of her face once again. She puts her hands over her eyes, covering her face. Tony gives her a strange look, uncomprehending. Then, he realizes she's crying.

"Hey, hey, don't cry! We'll find your friend!"

"I-I know where she is, b-but the door was locked a-and I couldn't get in!"

"It's okay, I'm really strong. Just take me to where she is and I'll help, I promise."

The girl sniffles, grabbing his hand and leading him through the crowd.

"Her name's A-Amanze. She was standing next to me and all of a sudden s-some guy comes out of nowhere and picks her u-up. So I followed and tried to g-get her out of his arms and h-he pushed me and th-then locked the door. I-I'm scared he's gonna hurt her! S-She was really scared, so I know that she didn't know h-him!" She stops at a door, then points to it. "I-I'm Bernadette, but my friends just call me Bern or B-Bernie. Please help Amanze."

"Alright, stand back. I'm gonna bust the door down." Tony says after trying the lock.

"W-Won't you get in trouble?"

"I live here, so it's okay."

"O-Oh."

Bernadette takes a few steps backwards, and Tony rams his shoulder into the door.

Immediately, it cracks, then separates from the hinges and slams into the wooden ground.

"Amanze!" Bernadette yells, running into the room.

"Bernie! Help!"

Tony rushes in. The girl Tony assumes to be Amaze is pinned to a bed, a bulky guy with olive skin and black hair pinning her down by her waist and wrists. He's smiling and working at the buttons of her shirt while she struggles.

Amanze looks absolutely nothing like someone Bernadette would be friends with, and Tony does a double take.

She has a bright blue mow hawk, the rest of her head shaved, a pierced lip, nose, ears, and one eyebrow. Also, she's wearing a ripped up button-up belly shirt, and you can see that her belly button is also pierced. Her eyes are pupil less and a deep purple, meaning she was wearing contact lenses. Amanze's face was slender, and she was definitely tall. She had bright red combat boots and a pair of ripped up, faded black skinny jeans. She also wears a half of a heart on a small golden chain around her neck, and a ring with different half of a heart, too.

"HEY!" Tony yells, grabbing the guy by his collar and lifting him off the ground with ease. "You have two options: One, get your scrawny, miserable, perverted, horrible excuse for a human being, ass out of here right now. And two, I kick you right through that wall and onto the moon."

The guy nods, whimpering "Option one!"

"I better not see you still here later on." Tony says, dropping the guy.

The black-haired man scurries out, and just as he's leaving, Tony kicks his back for good measure and he goes sprawling to the ground. He quickly pulls himself up with a gasp and then runs out of the room as fast as he can, leaving the shoes he had taken off by the foot of the bed.

"Oh, th-thank you so m-much!" Bernadette says, running forward and embracing her friend.

"Bernie, thank god you got here... And thanks so much to you, too!" Says Amanze, squeezing tightly.

"A-Amanze... There's something I've b-been meaning to tell y-you... I-I'm in love with you." Bernadette's entire face turns bright red and her brown eyes close, "A-And I know you don't feel the same way, b-but I really d-do."

The next second, Amanze pulls away, her pupil less violet orbs staring into Bernadette's. She turns a deep red, reaching to the top of her head and ruffling her bright blue mow hawk.

"Even if I'm weird and I dress strange and I'm really poor and ugly?"

"You're beautiful, a-and I don't care what anyone else th-thinks!"

"You really think so?"

"Of course."

"I love you too, Bernie."

"R-Really? Even with my—"

"I couldn't care less about your stutter. In my book, that stutter is perfectly flawless, and it sounds amazing when it's coming from your mouth."

"Th-Thanks—"

Amanze throws her arms around Bernadette's neck, pulling her forward into a passionate kiss.

"Uh... Looks like you guys are busy... I'm gonna go..." Tony mumbles awkwardly, turning and walking back down the hall.

Immediately, he spots that familiar bob of golden hair and that one piece that always sticks up as it bounces through the crowd. Tony rushes forward, pushing people aside, and some of them grab him along the way and try to pull him into a dance.

"Alfred!" He yells, trying to make his voice louder than the music.

The bob moves father and farther away, and Tony is still desperately pushing people away. Finally, he's only a mere ten feet or so from America, and he calls, "Alfred! Would you—" The alien cuts himself off as a girl with brown hair moves forward and grabs the blonde's arm.

Kit.

Her mouth moves and Tony tries to hear what she's saying as he moves forward.

America nods, turning pink, and takes her hand.

"Alfred! Alfred, WAIT! I don't want you with her—" Tony is cut off as someone grabs his arm, dragging him out onto the dancefloor.

* * *

After a while, Tony starts to cut loose, enjoying the attention from other girls after not getting it from his love. Admittedly, it wasn't the same as when America turned around and those big, bright blue eyes stared right into his red ones, making his heart flutter and his knees weak. These girl's smiles were pleasant, but they weren't America's—full of life and love and hope, like that one bright grin would help someone turn their day around. At least, that was what Tony got out of that smile.

...Maybe he wasn't cutting loose.

One of them seemed especially interested in Tony—Emma. Emma was tall, almost as tall as Tony, and Tony was even taller than Russia, who was taller than America, who was taller than basically all the other nations and most people. But that was only because of a pair of heels, Tony knew.

Anyway, she had blonde hair that came down to her waist in a sleek sheet, sparkling blue eyes, and her face was caked in makeup—not in a way that made her look bad, though. Tony had to admit, she was very attractive right now, even if he highly doubted that she looked like that once she took all the make-up off, then pulled the padding that was falling out of her bra away, then got rid of six-inch heels black heels and the skimpy black dress with no sleeves and that barely passed her artificially tanned thighs.

But yes, she was attractive, and Tony was sure she was just as beautiful without all of it on. Maybe just not as. Or maybe more. He _had_ read online that some guys didn't like a lot of make-up. He thought he might be one of those guys. But, if she was happy with herself the way she was, then who was he to judge?

"So... You wanna take this into the bedroom?" Emma asks, grabbing Tony's tie and pulling it so close he can smell her sweet cherry lipstick.

"No! No, I do not." Tony says, frowning when she grins.

"Oh? How about now?" She leans forward just a little more, starting to lightly press her lips onto Tony's, then slipping her tongue in.

The alien's eyes widen and he jumps away. "I said no!"

"Oh, a challenge, I see... Well, I do like a challenge every once and a while... A guy with a huge ego is exactly my style."

"Then maybe you should find someone else. I don't have a 'huge ego' whatever the living fuck that is. I'm only here because my beloved Alfred asked me to come, but it won't do me any good if I don't get him away from that little fucking she-devil with a cute appearance. Why don't you find someone that's more of a 'challenge' for you?" And with that, Tony storms over to America and Kit, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Heeeeeey, Tony!" America says, turning around and waving, one arm lazily slung over Kit's shoulder.

She giggles, and America laughs too, making the golden liquid in his cup slosh over the edge and onto the floor.

"So, you made it! I was looking for ya last night, you know? Almost called the cops, I was so worried..."

"Really?" Tony asks, stifling a smile. His bright red eyes widen with hope. Maybe America would finally admit to having secret feelings for him!

"Yeah man! You're like one of my bestest friends!"

"Aw, Alfie, you're so sweet!" Kit says, leaning into America.

The alien's eyes narrow, and he says, "America, you wanna dance?"

"Yeah, sure!" The blonde glances around, "Oh sorry, can't! I see some friends! BERNIE! ZEE! C'mon over here and meet some of my friends!"

"Oh! I met them earlier—The one with the blue hair was being attacked and I helped her out. Then Bernadette confessed her love and the blue-hair girl did the same and they kissed and I felt awkward so I left and yeah." Tony rambles.

America gives him a funny look. "What?"

The alien blushes. "The blue one—Amanze, that was her name—was being forcefully... Um... Taken, and then Bernadette came up to me and she was crying and she told me her friend was in trouble. So I went in there and kicked the guy out and they were both saying a bunch of things that ended in love confessions and then they kissed."

"O... kay?" America says, "I think I got that. Great job, dude. Being a hero when I couldn't."

"Alfie, they didn't hear you. Let's just go." Kit says.

"Go? Go where?"

"To a room, silly?"

"For what?" Alfred asks.

"No. No rooms. Alfred and I are going to go somewhere else. I will not have my beloved hanging around with the likes of a vampire."


	10. Chapter 10

"That's not your decision!" Kit says, grabbing America's arm and jerking him into her. "You need to respect Alfred!"

"You get your hands off of him!" Tony growls, glaring at Kit and grabbing the blonde's other arm. He pulls America backward into him, his red eyes narrowed. "And you're lecturing me about respecting him!"

"Hey, both of you get OFF!" America exclaims, glaring.

"But—"

"Alfie—"

"No excuses. Let go of me right now! You're both being stupid and ruining my night! I'm not dating either of you, I'm not either of you's responsibility, and therefore it is neither of your business who or what I spend my time with."

Tony complies, dropping his hands and then looking at the ground.

Kit lets go too, then says, "Alfie—"

"Yo, Mattie, bro!" America yells, cutting Kit off.

And before Tony or Kit can grab him, he disappears into the crowd, only to reappear next to Canada a second later.

"Who's that?" Kit asks.

"His brother." Tony says, folding his arms across his chest and glancing around.

"Oh. Are they twins? They look almost identical."

"I think so." Tony says, scrytinizing the two blonde's.

Suddenly, Kit grabs his tie and drags him away. "Look, I think we need to talk about this. I know what you are, you know what I am, and I don't think either of us is good for Alfred. But one of us has to place a claim on him or this stupid fight will go on forever and I'd rather know now and be sad for a little while then find out in a long time after we've been together for a while already that he loves you."

"I don't think I caught all of that." Tony says as Kit shoves him into the nearest bedroom.

"So, we both want him to be happy, right?"

"Yes."

"Then we need to work something out so that you're not sneaking around and spying on him anymore."

"H-How did you—"

"Never mind that. But you're lucky I distracted Alfred, otherwise your ass would be beat."

"I'm twice as strong as him." Tony states.

"Yeah, so am I, but do you think I would seriously attempt to use that against him?" Tony opens his mouth, holding up a finger, but Kit continues. "The answer is no. Just because I'm a vampire doesn't make me a monster or evil in any way."

"Yes it does. You don't have a soul." Tony growls, folding his arms over his chest, "And I'm not going to sit here and let you try to tell me I should have to share something that is rightfully mine with you."

"Yeah? Why is he rightfully yours? What, do you have a deal or promise or anything suggesting that he's yours in any way, shape, or form?"

"Well, no, but—"

"So yes, you are going to sit here and let me tell you. Because Alfred isn't going to wanna be with either of us if this fight continues, and we both know that. At least, I hope so. Your alien brain can't fully understand human feelings, can it?" Kit asks, knocking on his head.

Tony growls, shoving her hand. "Fucking bitch. I understand human feelings!"

"Whatever. Anyway, I have a deal."

The alien's eyes narrow, "What kind of deal?"

"We split our time with him equally for a little while. We'll each get two days of dates a week and the other can't interfere, okay?"

"But what about the other three days?"

"Um, do you forget that Alfred is a nation and is quite busy? And also that he is a human being with feelings and wants, and one of those wants is to do things himself or be alone every once and a while?"

"Yeah, I know that." Tony glares. "I do understand some human values, you know. I've lived with America for a long time."

Suddenly, the door bursts open, revealing a grinning girl and giggling America. The girl is holding his tie and dragging America into the room, and the blonde is stumbling after her and trying to pull her hand off of him.

"Whoopsie, looks like this room is busy!" The girl says, pulling America out of the room.

"H-Hey, I don't—"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH." Tony yells, bursting out of the room.

"Ohthankgod." America breathes.

Tony grabs the girl's hand and pulls, but she doesn't budge. He pulls harder. Nothing. He pulls as hard as he can, and her grip loosens, but she still holds on. _What the fuck? _Tony thinks, _How can a human be as strong as me?_

"Hey, you'll get your turn! No need to fight over me!" The girl giggles. "I'll be back when I'm done with this one."

"Please help me." America says, obviously freaking out.

"Awh, honey, you'll be fine!" The girl says.

Suddenly, Kit runs out. "NESSIE?"

"Kit?" The girl, apparently called Nessie says. Immediately, she lets go of America's tie and shoves him backward.

The blonde loses his balance and falls back, landing hard on his behind at Tony's feet. He groans, shoving himself off the ground. The alien grabs him in a tight embrace and holds him that way, making the blonde unable to move.

"Tony... I'm fine now."

"Nessie, what did I tell you about feeding off of humans?!" Kit scolds, wagging her finger in front of the blonde girl.

"F-Feeding?!" Tony exclaims, his grip on America tightening even more.

"C'mon, I'm so _thirsty! _And he smells so. Good."

"Yes, don't you think we can all smell it?! You have to CONTROL YOURSELF! You ONLY bite someone once you are absolutely 100% POSITIVE that they want to become a vampire."

"Yeah, that's not what happened with me..." Nessie mutters.

"Well do you want more people to feel the pain that you felt? Being forced to spend all eternity as an evil, bloodsucking creature?! I don't think you would feel so good about doing that to someone! And this man here is already claimed!"

"Claimed?!" Tony exclaims.

"I put a mark on him so no other vampires can bite him." Kit explains.

"WHAT?!" Tony yells, "You put something impure on my pure Alfred's body?! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Do you want vampires to be coming from who knows where just to get a taste of his blood? It's a gold mine, man! It smells like heaven and I bet it tastes just as good." Kit says, licking her lips. Then, she shakes her head. "Nessie, you know it's not right to do that to someone, let alone someone who is claimed! Do you want him to go insane?!"

"Go INSANE?!"

The entire time, Alfred had been relatively silent, staring awkwardly. Then, he clears his throat, and every head turns to him. "Um, this isn't the first time I've been claimed." He says in a low and squeaky voice. His face turns a deep red and he returns to staring at the wall.

"WHAT?!"

"What?"

"Figures."

"Um, yeah. This one time Romania claimed me. But back then he was claiming everybody. Does it like, mean anything?"

"ROMANIA?! Romania himself?! In the flesh?! YOU met him?!" Nessie says, eyes wide. "When in the hell did THE Romania happen upon a stupid human like you and decide you were worthy enough of his claim?! That's something we vampires would die to have, you know!"

"It hurt like hell."

"So... Where is it?"

"I think it's somewhere on my arm or somethin'."

"Your arm? He bit your arm? Why in the hell would he do THAT?!" Kit asks.

"He BIT you?!" Tony yells.

"Well, I suppose it was accidental. I was at this World Meeting and then I walked right in on one of him and Iggy's weird witchcraft club meeting things, y'know? So I'm in there and I scream because Russia is coming OUT OF THE FUCKING GROUND. And we all make a beeline for a door and then Romania just comes up behind me with his mouth open, 'cuz he's screaming, right? So my arms are up in the air and I'm hightailing it, and then I move my hands down and he fuckin' bit me! Like, it would-a been okay, but then he didn't stop! So then I come home later and there's this stupid black tattoo thing on my arm and I don't know what the hell it is, so I call him up and BAM! He tells me I'm claimed. Still, I don't exactly get what it means."

"Romania ran screaming in fear?"

"Yeah, man. Russia is soooooo freaking creepy."

"I heard my name." A thickly accented Russian voice suddenly says.

And then, Nessie, Kit, Tony, and America start to scream at the the top of their lungs and sprint away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys. First of all, sorry if you thought this was a new chapter. Second of all, even more sorry for the bad news I'm delivering. I'm putting this story on hiatus. I know there's a serious lack of Tony/America on FF, so I really hope I'll come back to this ASAP. I'm just not really... feeling this story. I think I'll edit and delete some things and re-create the later chapters. I'm putting another story on hold, too, and starting a new one. I'm super sorry, I hope you can forgive me.**

**Hoping you'll be excited when this story makes a comeback, **

**SailorCheesy.**


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